I probably should be writing on something more important today like how fascist communists and hedonism are taking over America but all the astute people that read my blogs are already aware of that.  So instead I want to bring up some recent contemplations about church practices in America. What I say here is meant to be taken as food for thought; it is not meant to insult anyone and you certainly do not have to agree on my thoughts on church practices in America.

Contemplation one – I am told by Good Authority (a medical professional) that one of the number one ways of spreading disease is by shaking hands. This is especially true in cold and flu season. Yet, most church practices in America include a ritual where everyone is supposed to go around shaking hands. I know that James, Peter and John gave the right hand of fellowship to Barnabas but the climate is healthier in Israel. I do understand that this is a hospitality gesture but I really would like to stay out of the hospital. Last week about half of my church was out because of illness. Is there any connection to the hand shaking connection?  Maybe the churches should pass out white gloves at the church door or put alcohol dispensers on the backs of the pews (to wipe your hands – not to drink!) or perhaps we could start a new church practice and just bow to each other like the Japanese?

Contemplation two – Some American churches are hugger churches. I have been in those, and I have nothing against hugging practices if you actually know the huggie.  However, I am told by Good Authority that you can got more diseases in these hugger churches than you can in the shaker churches. Besides the airborne and hand shaking diseases, Good Authority tells me you risk getting head lice and could even getting scabies from hugging. Good authority also tells me it is more of a problem in some parts of America than others and it might depend on the hygiene habits of the people of the area. While I am on this subject, maybe I should tell you that Good Authority also tells me you can get these little critters from upholstered  pews and chairs. I guess you will have to take the risk if your going to be in a hugger church since American churches cannot put a decontamination room at the door. Now don’t those hard wooden pews and metal chairs suddenly sound more comfortable?

Contemplation three – Why is it that the first three rows in church are almost always empty as if the pastor spits? Perhaps people are looking for safety in numbers or they feel unworthy to sit up near the man of God. Or maybe they just don’t want the rest of the church to think that they think that they are holy enough to be sitting in the front of the church. Anyway, it seems to be a place where few have dared to go, and I do not think I am going to become one of the first pioneers. (I actually do know a guy who always sits in the front row, however, he also likes to believe that he is a Star Trek Captain)

Contemplation four – Why do some people let their small kids crawl under church pews? It’s not very sanitary and is annoying to others. What is the attraction for kids anyway? In my day, growing up as a Catholic, if I even got off my knees at the wrong time, the nuns would have picked me up by my ears (which is why they stand out a bit). I am not saying we should go overboard on discipline, but maybe the American church should not be a McDonald’s playhouse either.

Contemplation five – Why do some people have their names on the pew? They are not usually visible but most eventually come to see the  invisible names on their pew. Americans often sit where they always sat and God forbid if someone else takes their spot (go ahead, make my day!). I think the thinking about assigned seating may have been burned into the brain of some kids during early church Sunday school. There probably is some direct correlation to how early one attended a Sunday school that assigned seats.

Contemplation six – Why are most Bible studies in America broken up into small age groups?  Supposedly wisdom comes with age so wouldn’t it be a better church practice to mix the old with the young?  Remember that kid that fell out of the window when Paul was teaching? If he was in our churches in America today, he would be in a youth group coloring the animals on Noah’s ark.

Contemplation seven – What has happened to attendance on Sunday night and Wednesdays? Many churches in America do not even have a gathering anymore because so few will attend. Is it really about spending time with the family or spending time in front of  the TV? Most do not have children in the house anyway, you know. Why is it that in third world countries where they have lots of family around, the Christians meet almost every night? I guess they do not have 200 TV channels to watch.

Contemplation eight – What, pray tell, is so hard about using Power Point that the next picture of the words always come up a bit too late for the congregation to sing them? I have seen this practice in more American churches than not. I will give the Power Point operators a little lesson since nobody seems to be giving any free lessons in America these days. You hit the computer key for the next picture while people are still singing the last line of your last picture. You church leaders in America might even have the power point operator go to choir or worship team practice, so he/she becomes familiar with the songs and the timing, and maybe discover while there is still time to correct the situation, that one of the songs is missing entirely!

Contemplation nine – Why do many American churches take collections in Sunday school as well as the worship service? I thought people attending the Sunday schools also were attending the worship service? Nevertheless, the usual American church practice is some envelope goes around in class and some put in a buck or two. I always just pass it on. I support my church with a monthly check and I expect the church to provide what is needed for the education of the attenders. Why also the big deal about attendance rosters and numbers on a wall. Are you going to give out gold stars? Who started these church practices in America?

Contemplation ten – I notice in many groups that they have the people say their prayer requests and then either someone is assigned to pray about the request publicly, or the leader repeats each request to God as if God were deaf the first time that the request was brought up. Often we are praying about a third party someone that we know nothing about. Is there a model for this type of prayer in the Bible? I know the Bible talks about two or more agreeing, but in context of the passage it seems to be talking about agreeing on some discipline or forgiveness given by believers for believers. I say that because the verses prior to this passage are talking about discipline of brethren, and the verses after are talking about forgiveness of brethren.  How do I really know how to pray about a situation and a person that I do not even know? Would it not be better that the person that knew about the situation and that was asking for agreement said the prayer? Did that person not really do that when they brought the prayer request up to the Church with the knowledge that God is in the midst?

Well, those are my ten contemplations about church practices in America. If it does not give you food for thought at the very least,  I just proved I could count to ten.